you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
