Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
