I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
