I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
