i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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