I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We are all done wearing pants today
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