I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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