The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
