Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
