and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
