is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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