His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
