My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
