the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
