What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
