i permit you to call me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
