My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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