Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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