I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
