I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
