Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
