drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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