I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
