One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
