If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
