we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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