god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
