So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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