so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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