dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
