My nipple is on Facebook.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
