somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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