eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
