have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
