I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i now understand why vodka
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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