The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
