Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
