the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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