Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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