It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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