Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
