Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
