I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
