I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
