I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
