he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Small penises have feelings too.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
