Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
