Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
