Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
