and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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