I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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