dude i'm inner monologue high
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
