remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
